If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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