i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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