If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
