"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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