why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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