i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
