Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
