Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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