There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
