if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
