Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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