Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
