Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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