The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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