Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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