so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
