Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
