I puked a lego.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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