I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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