we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
