how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
