i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am available for nakedness
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
