Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
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