i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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