And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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