WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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