i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
