just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
