Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
