grandma shit on top of the toilet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
