here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
