Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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