It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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