So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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