Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Your penis caused this!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
