dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
