So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
organizing the empties. That sober.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
