wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
