We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
