: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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