and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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