Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
