We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
