oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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