Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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