Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
