i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
