Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
