That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
