Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
