So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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