either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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