I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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