you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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