the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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