You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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